I have a friend. Surprising? I know. But this friend has MS. And while it is not cancer, we have dealt with many of the same issues including infusion room treatments, fatigue, aches and pains. Earlier she posted that it took her a number of years to attend a conference about MS, "because I couldn't look others in the eye who also have MS."
To borrow some words from Hank, it hit me like a 50's Packard driving through my chest. I have felt that. I think I have said on here before that I felt like my cancer was a social disease. Like others might treat me like I must have done something to deserve it. I was ashamed of my cancer and did not want to talk to others about it.
From Fight Club, the book, I found a new level of meaning in this quote from Tyler/Jack, "My fear is that people will see my [cancer] and I'll start to die in their minds. The cancer I don't have is everywhere now." Of course, I too feared that I would be a symbol of death and decay in people's eyes. But then beyond that, I realized that paralyzing fear was as bad as my cancer. It chancred me, spread rampant throughout and threatened to consume me. It was my non-existant cancer. The one I created and set loose within to destroy me.
I do not know how to help people understand that other than by example. Hopefully, in seeing that someone else has "self infected," as it were, they can see it and be liberated from the same folly. I hope so. I hope I can help others understand that they don't have to live in the mental state of anguish just because of some stupid physical malady. We can learn a lot from the wisdom of other brilliant men.
“Each morning when I open my eyes I say to myself: I, not events, have the power to make me happy or unhappy today. I can choose which it shall be. Yesterday is dead, tomorrow hasn’t arrived yet. I have just one day, today, and I’m going to be happy in it.” (Groucho Marx)
Maybe we eat it tomorrow. But maybe not. Most likely not. So today, "I am the gatekeeper to my own destiny and I will have my glory day in the hot sun." (Nacho Libre)
...Wow. That's a weird bunch of people to string together. My friend "M", Henry Rollins, Chuck Palahniuk, Groucho Marx, and Nacho. I should go to bed before this gets worse. I will have to re-read this tomorrow and probably make drastic edits. And so, thus ends the late night ramblings of one who should be drawing instead of stringing improbable people together.
Good night, and good luck. (...dang it!)
Tuesday, May 28, 2013
Tuesday, May 14, 2013
Push a Little Longer
A letter to a TNT teammate, Lisa. She asked me how to keep energy up to run after chemo and radiation. I responded:
Lisa,
I am actually glad you asked me about this, though I think it is a difficult thing to compare. I am struggling to respond. Sometimes I think we all understand another's unfortunate plight. Other times I think my struggles were unique to me and I am grateful I did not have to endure all that I have seen another go through without really knowing what it would have been like. Maybe it is easier for you to relate to me, than me to you, as I did not have radiation. But maybe there is just a lot of made up pretense, imagined in my mind. Hmm… Sorry, this is how my brain works. Sometimes over analytic and without reason or justification.
As you are aware, I am sure, I began training for my first half while in treatment. I continued the trend for my second half. And for this last season I was still on "maintenance chemo." I still am. I go in again on Thursday for another dose. With this, I do not get nausea like before but I still feel some fatigue. It is not as strong or lasting, but it is still there. And I still get chemo brain from it.
I do not think there is any "good" advice to give on how to keep up energy levels. Time, effort and patience are the only real answers though they are not what you want to hear. At least not what I want to hear. I had to learn that the first four miles are the hardest. They are for everyone, not just cancer patients. It takes me a couple miles to start feeling warmed up and after four is usually when I feel like I can actually do the distance. As I run, I have found myself chanting a number of different things along the way. Often in the beginning of a longer run I say, "The first four are the hardest. The first four are the hardest. The first four…" On longer sections or up hills, I have said "I am stronger than cancer. I am stronger than cancer." Sometimes I change that to say stronger than chemo.
People ask me how I keep going through it all. Family (I have four kids), work, school, chemo, and still get a run in a few times a week. Borrowing a line from the Grateful Dead, I often say I live on "Vitamin C and Cocaine." Though I have never done drugs, sometimes I feel like a crack junky for caffeine. My dependency on it drives me crazy. It used to be a lot worse. I could not get through a day without multiple energy drinks like Rockstar or Red Bull. If I sat down, I would pass out within minutes. The problem was I knew that even if I let myself take a nap, I would not wake feeling any more rested or with any more energy. I was just awake. In limbo. Like a zombie. Neither dead nor living, incapable of understanding which I was supposed to be.
I do not recommend that path. The Rockstar path is not good for you. But I figure if God saw fit to saddle me with cancer, he must put up with my figuring out how to make it through the day. Rockstars became my crutch. There are multiple problems with that and running, though I don't want to get off on a biology/physiology tangent.
Perhaps the best advice I can give is mental. Push a little longer. Run when you can, walk when you have to, and keep putting one foot forward when you think you can't.
As a very competitive person, and having a trace of my former rugby player ego, I hated seeing my performance as failure. It took me a long time to learn and accept that the race is not about time. It is about crossing the finish line. It is still difficult but I know it is doable.
Accept that races will be hard. That they will be slower than you want. Accept that your training runs may be better than your race run. Learn to enjoy each run for it's own unique day. During this last season, a month before event weekend for me, I had a trial run. I did my 13+ miles starting from OMSI out to Sellwood and back. I averaged about a 9:47 mile. That is the fastest I have ever been. I LOVED it! My race weekend was very different. Were it not for Coach Kevin walking with me for a couple miles, I would not have likely finished. I had to grab onto him to keep from falling. I was not good and I have not recovered. We will see what oncology says in a couple days.
While I am bummed about my race performance, I am okay with it. I accept each run is it's own beast. Post chemo and worse, post radiation, our bodies may ever more piss us off never finding consistency. Never finding predictability except the unpredictability. It's frustrating, but it's better than not running. And I think that becomes the metaphor for life. Run when you can, walk when you have to. Put one foot forward. Push just a little longer.
…And maybe have a little caffeine to help you get started. ;)
-Ryan
Lisa,
I am actually glad you asked me about this, though I think it is a difficult thing to compare. I am struggling to respond. Sometimes I think we all understand another's unfortunate plight. Other times I think my struggles were unique to me and I am grateful I did not have to endure all that I have seen another go through without really knowing what it would have been like. Maybe it is easier for you to relate to me, than me to you, as I did not have radiation. But maybe there is just a lot of made up pretense, imagined in my mind. Hmm… Sorry, this is how my brain works. Sometimes over analytic and without reason or justification.
As you are aware, I am sure, I began training for my first half while in treatment. I continued the trend for my second half. And for this last season I was still on "maintenance chemo." I still am. I go in again on Thursday for another dose. With this, I do not get nausea like before but I still feel some fatigue. It is not as strong or lasting, but it is still there. And I still get chemo brain from it.
I do not think there is any "good" advice to give on how to keep up energy levels. Time, effort and patience are the only real answers though they are not what you want to hear. At least not what I want to hear. I had to learn that the first four miles are the hardest. They are for everyone, not just cancer patients. It takes me a couple miles to start feeling warmed up and after four is usually when I feel like I can actually do the distance. As I run, I have found myself chanting a number of different things along the way. Often in the beginning of a longer run I say, "The first four are the hardest. The first four are the hardest. The first four…" On longer sections or up hills, I have said "I am stronger than cancer. I am stronger than cancer." Sometimes I change that to say stronger than chemo.
People ask me how I keep going through it all. Family (I have four kids), work, school, chemo, and still get a run in a few times a week. Borrowing a line from the Grateful Dead, I often say I live on "Vitamin C and Cocaine." Though I have never done drugs, sometimes I feel like a crack junky for caffeine. My dependency on it drives me crazy. It used to be a lot worse. I could not get through a day without multiple energy drinks like Rockstar or Red Bull. If I sat down, I would pass out within minutes. The problem was I knew that even if I let myself take a nap, I would not wake feeling any more rested or with any more energy. I was just awake. In limbo. Like a zombie. Neither dead nor living, incapable of understanding which I was supposed to be.
I do not recommend that path. The Rockstar path is not good for you. But I figure if God saw fit to saddle me with cancer, he must put up with my figuring out how to make it through the day. Rockstars became my crutch. There are multiple problems with that and running, though I don't want to get off on a biology/physiology tangent.
Perhaps the best advice I can give is mental. Push a little longer. Run when you can, walk when you have to, and keep putting one foot forward when you think you can't.
As a very competitive person, and having a trace of my former rugby player ego, I hated seeing my performance as failure. It took me a long time to learn and accept that the race is not about time. It is about crossing the finish line. It is still difficult but I know it is doable.
Accept that races will be hard. That they will be slower than you want. Accept that your training runs may be better than your race run. Learn to enjoy each run for it's own unique day. During this last season, a month before event weekend for me, I had a trial run. I did my 13+ miles starting from OMSI out to Sellwood and back. I averaged about a 9:47 mile. That is the fastest I have ever been. I LOVED it! My race weekend was very different. Were it not for Coach Kevin walking with me for a couple miles, I would not have likely finished. I had to grab onto him to keep from falling. I was not good and I have not recovered. We will see what oncology says in a couple days.
While I am bummed about my race performance, I am okay with it. I accept each run is it's own beast. Post chemo and worse, post radiation, our bodies may ever more piss us off never finding consistency. Never finding predictability except the unpredictability. It's frustrating, but it's better than not running. And I think that becomes the metaphor for life. Run when you can, walk when you have to. Put one foot forward. Push just a little longer.
…And maybe have a little caffeine to help you get started. ;)
-Ryan
Tuesday, May 7, 2013
BMO Vancouver Marathon 2013
Whew! I am back. Well I am physically back in Portland anyway. My brain has yet to accept that. Let me say, every time I go on a Team In Training event weekend, I am blown away at the enduring spirit that is in us all. This race was both a visually beautiful run as we ran through much of downtown Vancouver B.C., winding around and through Stanley Park, and an emotionally beautiful race. I doubt I can remember it all or eloquently describe all that I do remember, but I shall do my best.
During my first TNT race ever, I ran a long while on the course around a couple of girls tethered together. I have mentioned this before. One girl was (is) blind, the other was her guide. The same happened this weekend. And older gentleman, maybe mid 60's, was tethered to a much younger man who was the guide. It the perfect summary of the enduring spirit of compassion in us. It does not matter what our obstacles are, it does not matter if we fail. What matters is that we give everything we can to surmount those obstacles.
My race did not go well. I ran a half marathon which is 13.1 miles (or 21 kilometers, since I was in Canada). In training for this race, I ran that distance or more a few times. The last time, just over a month before race weekend, I started from downtown Portland on the waterfront. I ran my 13 miles with an average pace of 9 minutes and 47 seconds per mile. That is a total of less than 2 hours and 10 minutes for the half marathon. It will not win any races, but it is starting to be a respectable race time. I was so happy with that performance and just wanted to keep about the same for this race. Sadly, I could not deliver this weekend.
At around 4 miles, as we were running through China Town, I realized I was running slow. It took me a bit to be okay with that but I was not far off from my desired target pace. As long as I kept the pace I was at, I would still finish with a time with which I would be happy. At 8 miles, I was still okay. By 10 miles, I tanked. I knew I could not keep it going and questioned if I could run much at all. Maybe around mile 11, another of my coaches saw me.
Let me stop the narrative here. As TNT protocol, coaches are on the course running back and forth to give course support to the TNT participants. When there are enough chapters from all over, it works out really well. Almost every mile, I saw a coach. They all check on us, ask if there is anything we need like a Gu shot or salt or bandaids, etc.. They run with us to cheer us on. They go back to find another and do the same. Most coaches run well over a full marathon in a day doing this. It is amazing.
…And now, back to our story. Coach Kevin saw me at mile 11-ish. He told me later that I scared the sh-- out of him when he saw me because I was completely white. Yes, I am caucasian, but he meant colorless in my face. He walked with me all the way to the "chute" which is the gated area approaching the finishing line. A number of times in that last two miles, I had to grab onto Kevin's arm or should to keep from falling over. My legs would buckle a little. Sometimes I could not feel them at all, and just trusted the natural rhythm of walking to keep them going under me. When he left my side at the chute, and he did not want to but coaches are not allowed to continue beyond there, he waited and watched me to make sure I was still going more straight than weaving side to side.
I made it across the finish line, someone put the finisher's medal over my head, I went straight to my bag which had water and pbjs, then sat down right there on the sidewalk. I recovered well enough to stand then go check in/out at the TNT tent. I had made it. I finished a torturous half marathon.
After I recovered a little, I began walking back along the course. Many of my teammates that had finished were planning on going back to cheers others on, run with them if they could, and hang out. I would find a place along the way to stand and cheer, knowing I could not run with anyone. I stood near the mouth of the chute and cheered runners on, cheering extra for other TNT runners regardless of if I knew them or not. That's just the way TNT works. One woman came close and was arm in arm with a non TNT runner. I was just about to cheer when I realized the TNT runner was carrying the other woman. I left my post, grabbed the unoccupied arm and lifted. Both woman said "Oh thank you!" The woman in the middle, Harriet, called us her two guardian angels. We carried her the rest of the way.
As we got closer, the crowd cheered her on. They were probably cheering us as well. A lot of photographers took our picture. I had recovered quickly and well enough that I had no problems in helping. The mirrored glass buildings towering over us, the crowd cheering, drawing ever closer to the finish line, it was beautiful. The medics met us with a wheel chair just on the other side of the finish line. We got her in the chair, I hugged her, then I walked back to my stuff I left on the ground when I jumped in to help.
From numerous experiences along my journey through the last few years, I can see where others have lifted me when I fall. In turn, one of the few things I wish I could do with my life is to hold people's hands when they fall. To lift them up when they are weak or they fail themselves. I wish to encourage all, and instill in them the magnitude of their self worth. Coach Kevin did that again for me this race. I look forward to never needing the physical hand up again. But I may never stop needing the emotional help up. This time, with this half marathon, I was able to help another so shortly after being helped.
My performance in this race was severely impaired. Stupid cancer. But my performance in this race was everything I really want. I finished the race, and I helped others do the same. So many of my teammates had a hard run for them, not running as well as they would have liked. To each of them, I cannot express my gratitude enough for all they did accomplish out there. As a team, we cheered each other on, we ran with each other, we encouraged others not a part of Team In Training, we lifted those who had fallen.
I believe we are meant to be great. To them, to my teammates, I say you are. You are truly "awesome" people. Thank you for all you have done and continue to do.
Go Team!
Early in the race, we could now see the Vancouver skyline.
Yes, a man in a chicken suit as we cross the finish line.
Team In Training cheering people on. Here Becky (back), Julie (middle) and Christine (front) from the Oregon SW Washington Idaho Montana (OSWIM) chapter.
Front Row: Coach Kevin, Coach Mike, me (Ryan), Julie, Amy,
Second Row: Becky, Matt, Christine, Kayla, Jen, Skye, Erin (LLS Staff), Megan, Coach Michelle,
Third Row: The Photo Bombers doing an Egyptian pose, Krysty, Captain Mike,
And Joe rising above us all.
During my first TNT race ever, I ran a long while on the course around a couple of girls tethered together. I have mentioned this before. One girl was (is) blind, the other was her guide. The same happened this weekend. And older gentleman, maybe mid 60's, was tethered to a much younger man who was the guide. It the perfect summary of the enduring spirit of compassion in us. It does not matter what our obstacles are, it does not matter if we fail. What matters is that we give everything we can to surmount those obstacles.
My race did not go well. I ran a half marathon which is 13.1 miles (or 21 kilometers, since I was in Canada). In training for this race, I ran that distance or more a few times. The last time, just over a month before race weekend, I started from downtown Portland on the waterfront. I ran my 13 miles with an average pace of 9 minutes and 47 seconds per mile. That is a total of less than 2 hours and 10 minutes for the half marathon. It will not win any races, but it is starting to be a respectable race time. I was so happy with that performance and just wanted to keep about the same for this race. Sadly, I could not deliver this weekend.
At around 4 miles, as we were running through China Town, I realized I was running slow. It took me a bit to be okay with that but I was not far off from my desired target pace. As long as I kept the pace I was at, I would still finish with a time with which I would be happy. At 8 miles, I was still okay. By 10 miles, I tanked. I knew I could not keep it going and questioned if I could run much at all. Maybe around mile 11, another of my coaches saw me.
Let me stop the narrative here. As TNT protocol, coaches are on the course running back and forth to give course support to the TNT participants. When there are enough chapters from all over, it works out really well. Almost every mile, I saw a coach. They all check on us, ask if there is anything we need like a Gu shot or salt or bandaids, etc.. They run with us to cheer us on. They go back to find another and do the same. Most coaches run well over a full marathon in a day doing this. It is amazing.
…And now, back to our story. Coach Kevin saw me at mile 11-ish. He told me later that I scared the sh-- out of him when he saw me because I was completely white. Yes, I am caucasian, but he meant colorless in my face. He walked with me all the way to the "chute" which is the gated area approaching the finishing line. A number of times in that last two miles, I had to grab onto Kevin's arm or should to keep from falling over. My legs would buckle a little. Sometimes I could not feel them at all, and just trusted the natural rhythm of walking to keep them going under me. When he left my side at the chute, and he did not want to but coaches are not allowed to continue beyond there, he waited and watched me to make sure I was still going more straight than weaving side to side.
I made it across the finish line, someone put the finisher's medal over my head, I went straight to my bag which had water and pbjs, then sat down right there on the sidewalk. I recovered well enough to stand then go check in/out at the TNT tent. I had made it. I finished a torturous half marathon.
After I recovered a little, I began walking back along the course. Many of my teammates that had finished were planning on going back to cheers others on, run with them if they could, and hang out. I would find a place along the way to stand and cheer, knowing I could not run with anyone. I stood near the mouth of the chute and cheered runners on, cheering extra for other TNT runners regardless of if I knew them or not. That's just the way TNT works. One woman came close and was arm in arm with a non TNT runner. I was just about to cheer when I realized the TNT runner was carrying the other woman. I left my post, grabbed the unoccupied arm and lifted. Both woman said "Oh thank you!" The woman in the middle, Harriet, called us her two guardian angels. We carried her the rest of the way.
As we got closer, the crowd cheered her on. They were probably cheering us as well. A lot of photographers took our picture. I had recovered quickly and well enough that I had no problems in helping. The mirrored glass buildings towering over us, the crowd cheering, drawing ever closer to the finish line, it was beautiful. The medics met us with a wheel chair just on the other side of the finish line. We got her in the chair, I hugged her, then I walked back to my stuff I left on the ground when I jumped in to help.
From numerous experiences along my journey through the last few years, I can see where others have lifted me when I fall. In turn, one of the few things I wish I could do with my life is to hold people's hands when they fall. To lift them up when they are weak or they fail themselves. I wish to encourage all, and instill in them the magnitude of their self worth. Coach Kevin did that again for me this race. I look forward to never needing the physical hand up again. But I may never stop needing the emotional help up. This time, with this half marathon, I was able to help another so shortly after being helped.
My performance in this race was severely impaired. Stupid cancer. But my performance in this race was everything I really want. I finished the race, and I helped others do the same. So many of my teammates had a hard run for them, not running as well as they would have liked. To each of them, I cannot express my gratitude enough for all they did accomplish out there. As a team, we cheered each other on, we ran with each other, we encouraged others not a part of Team In Training, we lifted those who had fallen.
I believe we are meant to be great. To them, to my teammates, I say you are. You are truly "awesome" people. Thank you for all you have done and continue to do.
Go Team!
Early in the race, we could now see the Vancouver skyline.
Yes, a man in a chicken suit as we cross the finish line.
Team In Training cheering people on. Here Becky (back), Julie (middle) and Christine (front) from the Oregon SW Washington Idaho Montana (OSWIM) chapter.
Front Row: Coach Kevin, Coach Mike, me (Ryan), Julie, Amy,
Second Row: Becky, Matt, Christine, Kayla, Jen, Skye, Erin (LLS Staff), Megan, Coach Michelle,
Third Row: The Photo Bombers doing an Egyptian pose, Krysty, Captain Mike,
And Joe rising above us all.
Ode to Coach Karl, BMO 2013
I wrote a more serious and emotional summary of this weekend's trip to Vancouver which you can read, but I think a Coach Karl style summary is more needed right now. At least for me it is. So I shall do my best to live up to such a lofty goal.
Friday morning, it's still dark when the alarm goes off. Ah crap, what did I agree to? Oh well. Grab my stuff, get in the car, pick up Christine, get to PDX on time. Hey there's Erin! Cool.
Self check in, boarding pass in hand we begin the wait to get through security. Why is there only one lane open? Poorly managed? Okay, time to strip down and go the the metal detector with my bagels that Matt tried to get me to worry about. "They won't let you through with those…" Thanks, Matt.
Through security, clothes back on, bags ready and… wait for Julie to finish her full body cavity search. It's cool, she tipped the TSA for "services rendered." Oh hey, there's Coach Mike! He wasn't at the Starbucks like he promised. It's okay, he's still awesome.
Wander down to the gate. A few others are there too. Time for breakfast. Michelle took pictures. Cap'n Mike is too good for us and does not sit with us until pressured into it. Then he had a big bean breakfast burrito. Glad the Mike's have their own room tonight. "Alaska Airlines Flight 28somethingsomething paging passengers Hatch, Wall, 'Wee-dick' Broshar to the counter for passport verification." Hey where are Skye and Joe anyway? What about Becky and Kevin? Oh Kevin had to work. He might not make it. Whaaaaaaat?! What about Kayla? Oh she is working too but will drive up tonight.
Hey there's Becky. She has shirts. Cool! They stink but man they're pretty. Thank you Becky for getting that together, Michelle for the shirts, Renee for the rush print job and whoever the designer was for some kick ass design work.
"Alaska Airlines Flight 28somethingsomething still paging passengers 'Wee-dick' to the counter for passport verification." Ha, ha! Coach Mike isn't the only one to screw up their name in a sophmorish way. Awesome.
Oh hey, Skye and Joe are here. So is Andy, the Flex Coach. He turned out alright.
"Alaska Airlines Flight 28somethingsomething, now boarding for Vancouver BC."
Wow, this is a small plane. Oh no, Amy has to sit next to me. Poor, poor Amy. Huh, look at that. Erin is all the way in the front of the plane, just about as far away from Coach Mike and I as she could get. Me thinks that was planned. Fasten your seat belts people, we'll make this a bumpy ride. Okay I meant the whole trip but the pilot thought I meant he should make for a bumpy landing. That's alright, we made it. Michelle took pictures. Breathe that fresh Canadian air.
Shuffle, shuffle, bags, shuffle, shuffle, limo. What? You mean you didn't take a limo to your hotel? I just thought that was parr for the course. Sorry Eugene. All loaded up. Who let Skye control the radio? Joe was not happy with her choice of Canadian pop star radio, which none of us knew. Matt loved his limo driver. The guy was super chatty and full of useless info.
Oh nice! The Sheraton! Wow it's pretty. Michelle took pictures. And the weather is cool and clear. So pretty. …Sorry Eugene. Check in, aaaand I got upgraded to a sweet suite. 27th floor. Leather couch. Separate bedroom. Multiple tv's. Fruit plate. Special thank you note from LLS for being a top fundraiser. Freaking amazing view! …Sorry Eugene.
Everyone checks in excluding those arriving later. And Coach Kevin will fly up in the morning. Good! We all really want him there with us.
Group walk to Italian food, my pizza margherita was so good. Hey Matt, how was that $10+ Guinness? He was not the only to get started for the weekend. Pretty sure Michelle took pictures. Okay, now on to the expo. Walking down through Vancouver. It really is a pretty town.
Japadog. Many celebrity in Japadog.
The expo was at the "Canada Place," on Coal Harbor. Michelle took pictures. Sign the medical waiver provided by the country of Canada and some Joe Schmoe Doctor. Bib's, bags, shirts, souvenir shirts/hats/jackets to prove we were there. Normal expo stuff.
Whew. Done with that. Waiting outside for everyone. Apparently, they were waiting inside for us. Regrouped and walk back to the hotel. Stop along the way at the IGA for copious amounts of coconut water and whatever else people needed. Loaf of bread and PBJ for me, thanks.
Back to the hotel, to my 27th floor suite. Got everything put away and fell asleep on the couch until Matt called and offered my a massage. It was time to meet up for dinner anyway. Regrouped in the lobby waited for Michelle who forgot something in her room, then made off with our tour guide Coach Mike. He was pretty awesome about setting up reservations at Yaletown. It was good food. Hockey game. More drinking for people, and Michelle took pictures. From there we went to a gelateria. Hockey game in every window along the way.
Matt found a free newspaper for Mike, either one, Michelle did NOT take pictures. Coach Mike gave it to Becky to give to Kevin. But then he left it for the kiddies in the ice cream shop. Silly Mike. Walking back, hey look! $0.25 peep shows! One of the mannequins just about poked Erin's eye out. Sheesh!
Some may have gone back out after the group got home. They must have because somehow Mike and Mike ended up sharing a bed. All I know is there was snoring, then punching, then no snoring and Kayla was there. Oh hey! Kayla and entourage are here! So is Kevin! Nice. Now time for breakfast. Wait, is Michelle here yet? Okay, here she comes. Tour Guide Mike? If you would please. Thank you.
The Elbow Room. What the-! "Big Ass Pancake" may have actually fallen short in describing what was served. I ate half and wish I had stopped earlier. Behold, the new sport of "Extreme Carb Loading." Michelle took pictures. Time to break up the band. Coaches and Staff have their meeting so we plan on meeting in the lobby about 5:15. I did a little shopping on Robison, then slept for 2 hours.
Time for the Inspiration Dinner. Put on the OSWIM BMO shirts. We look gooood!! Enter the building and follow the noise. Kayla didn't know that was for us. Oh yes. Yes it is. And it will be awesome. Down the escalator to reveal Coach Mike holding, oh wait, ooooooohh nnoooooo. Erin was right. I should never have sent her that picture of me when I was bald with Photoshoped pig tails. It was creepy. I will get you Erin. I don't know how or when, but I will. And it will be awe- wait for it -some!
Dinner was good. According to Matt, worlds better than the TEAM dinner in Paris. …That freaking picture of me just will not go away. It's a big group of TNTers, and now speakers. Presentation of the top fundraisers. They gave us these little glass statues of Inuksuk, the logo used for the Olympic games there. Matt too pictures of me as a keynote speaker. Now to the real speaker. Man, no matter how many times I have done this, I still get teary.
Dinner is done. Inspirational words from coaches and mentors. You have to expect that Michelle is taking pictures. And 20 cameras and phones later, we head outside …for MORE photos. This time in front of the fountain dyed purplish for us. Sure it was. Uh-huh. Photobombers went all Egyption on us. Then I paid it forward on the Coaches photo op. :)
Okay, everyone go back to your room and go straight to bed to be well rested for tomorrow. That or head to an Irish pub down the street. A different kind of carb loading ensued. And I had more Diet Coke. But don't worry, Michelle took pictures. Because it was awesome.
Now for real, go home and go to sleep. Someone went a little Buddy the Elf on the elevator buttons. Not sayin' who, but I had to apologize to the two guys that were not with our group. Make sure everything is ready for tomorrow then crawl in bed. JUMP out of bed when the alarm went off. Gather in the lobby. Now in race attire, photo op. Wait, is Michelle down yet? More photo's. On to the train. off the train and walk like a pilgrim across the plains to the start area. Holy freaking bathroom lines Batman!
Sing Oh Canada, then run. Downhill, more downhill, Erin! OW! Her staff friend cut me! There's Michelle! She took pictures! Cross a bridge, run around, enter Chinatown, see a strung out hooker on the sideline, leave Chinatown, running kind of slow but still ok, there's Kevin! Run past Yaletown, start to hit the coastline, hey there's Coach Mike! Half way (for the half), into Stanley Park, over the river and through the woods, Captain Mike caught me, we didn't talk much, Captain Mike left me, it's cool, sea wall in Coal Harbor, holy sh-- I don't think I can run anymore, hey there's Kevin! He's looking at me funny. I don't feel very good. He walked with me to the final chute. I couldn't feel my legs, I grabbed onto Kevin more than once, I made it across the finish line! Bag check, sit down and recover.
Christine and a few others checked on me then headed back out for course support.
...recover ...more.
...
...okay, I think I can stand now. Check out at the TNT tent, start walking back. Hey there's Michelle! We walk a bit then see Christine running with Kayla. Hooray for Kayla! She rocked it. Christine and Michelle switch, Michelle with Kayla and Christine with me. We go back to the 20k/41k marker. Cheer on everyone, especially all TNT peeps and the Japanese because they were awesome! There's Skye! YEAH!! She looked awesome! Matt had been running with people. He stayed to cheer. Superman passed us, really not looking very super. Barney the dinosaur passed us. We stayed for Megan. Our last OSWIM teammate. She was awesome! We all walked up with her into the chute. She ran the last bit. It was truly amazing to see her surrounded by so many coaches and teammates in support approaching the finish. A beautiful reminder of just how tight and supportive this team was. I loved it.
Coaches went back to do the same for the last of the other TNT peeps. …Because they are awesome.
Clean up fast and head out to Doolin's to celebrate. It did not take long. Kevin was so glad to see me. He told me I scared the sh-- out of him on the course. There was more hockey, a kick ass burger (for me), dancing girls -not that kind Cap'n Mike. Sheesh. Jill got pressured into Nike Women's, she gave the high five of committal, Coach Mike told me he did not want me on the team, he said I am just too much awesome to have another season this year with me. Maybe he fears his head exploding. More drinks, more Diet Coke for me. Michelle took pictures. Sara and Alfredo made for good company, even though he is not really an attorney. Cap'n Mike tells us the ins and outs of cross state border high speed chases. And exit in search of margaritas since it was Cinco de Mayo.
There was promise of ice cream. Bait and switch I say. Waffles and ice cream, just an easy 5k walk away. Only to be denied. …awesome. I crashed. 9 hours of solid sleep. Beautiful. Shower real fast then meet up for breakfast of crepes. Wait for Michelle to grab whatever she forgot in her room. We applauded upon her arrival. Back to Robison to Cafe Crepe. Thank you for indulging me. Go our separate ways before check out.
Check out and our limo driver drove like he could not get us out of the car fast enough. But yeah, it was still a limo. Sorry Eug--
With a couple hours to kill at the airport, time for lunch and last minute duty free shopping that cost an arm. They said our legs were useless and refused them as payment. Check in, board sit down and sleep. It's a short flight. The landing was far better. Holy crap it is hot in Portland! Kevin met us at PDX. We said our goodbyes. Many of this team is doing Nike so they will see each other in a couple weeks anyway. Kind of wish I was going to do that too.
But I'm not worried. Michelle will take pictures.
It will be …awesome.
Friday morning, it's still dark when the alarm goes off. Ah crap, what did I agree to? Oh well. Grab my stuff, get in the car, pick up Christine, get to PDX on time. Hey there's Erin! Cool.
Self check in, boarding pass in hand we begin the wait to get through security. Why is there only one lane open? Poorly managed? Okay, time to strip down and go the the metal detector with my bagels that Matt tried to get me to worry about. "They won't let you through with those…" Thanks, Matt.
Through security, clothes back on, bags ready and… wait for Julie to finish her full body cavity search. It's cool, she tipped the TSA for "services rendered." Oh hey, there's Coach Mike! He wasn't at the Starbucks like he promised. It's okay, he's still awesome.
Wander down to the gate. A few others are there too. Time for breakfast. Michelle took pictures. Cap'n Mike is too good for us and does not sit with us until pressured into it. Then he had a big bean breakfast burrito. Glad the Mike's have their own room tonight. "Alaska Airlines Flight 28somethingsomething paging passengers Hatch, Wall, 'Wee-dick' Broshar to the counter for passport verification." Hey where are Skye and Joe anyway? What about Becky and Kevin? Oh Kevin had to work. He might not make it. Whaaaaaaat?! What about Kayla? Oh she is working too but will drive up tonight.
Hey there's Becky. She has shirts. Cool! They stink but man they're pretty. Thank you Becky for getting that together, Michelle for the shirts, Renee for the rush print job and whoever the designer was for some kick ass design work.
"Alaska Airlines Flight 28somethingsomething still paging passengers 'Wee-dick' to the counter for passport verification." Ha, ha! Coach Mike isn't the only one to screw up their name in a sophmorish way. Awesome.
Oh hey, Skye and Joe are here. So is Andy, the Flex Coach. He turned out alright.
"Alaska Airlines Flight 28somethingsomething, now boarding for Vancouver BC."
Wow, this is a small plane. Oh no, Amy has to sit next to me. Poor, poor Amy. Huh, look at that. Erin is all the way in the front of the plane, just about as far away from Coach Mike and I as she could get. Me thinks that was planned. Fasten your seat belts people, we'll make this a bumpy ride. Okay I meant the whole trip but the pilot thought I meant he should make for a bumpy landing. That's alright, we made it. Michelle took pictures. Breathe that fresh Canadian air.
Shuffle, shuffle, bags, shuffle, shuffle, limo. What? You mean you didn't take a limo to your hotel? I just thought that was parr for the course. Sorry Eugene. All loaded up. Who let Skye control the radio? Joe was not happy with her choice of Canadian pop star radio, which none of us knew. Matt loved his limo driver. The guy was super chatty and full of useless info.
Oh nice! The Sheraton! Wow it's pretty. Michelle took pictures. And the weather is cool and clear. So pretty. …Sorry Eugene. Check in, aaaand I got upgraded to a sweet suite. 27th floor. Leather couch. Separate bedroom. Multiple tv's. Fruit plate. Special thank you note from LLS for being a top fundraiser. Freaking amazing view! …Sorry Eugene.
Everyone checks in excluding those arriving later. And Coach Kevin will fly up in the morning. Good! We all really want him there with us.
Group walk to Italian food, my pizza margherita was so good. Hey Matt, how was that $10+ Guinness? He was not the only to get started for the weekend. Pretty sure Michelle took pictures. Okay, now on to the expo. Walking down through Vancouver. It really is a pretty town.
Japadog. Many celebrity in Japadog.
The expo was at the "Canada Place," on Coal Harbor. Michelle took pictures. Sign the medical waiver provided by the country of Canada and some Joe Schmoe Doctor. Bib's, bags, shirts, souvenir shirts/hats/jackets to prove we were there. Normal expo stuff.
Whew. Done with that. Waiting outside for everyone. Apparently, they were waiting inside for us. Regrouped and walk back to the hotel. Stop along the way at the IGA for copious amounts of coconut water and whatever else people needed. Loaf of bread and PBJ for me, thanks.
Back to the hotel, to my 27th floor suite. Got everything put away and fell asleep on the couch until Matt called and offered my a massage. It was time to meet up for dinner anyway. Regrouped in the lobby waited for Michelle who forgot something in her room, then made off with our tour guide Coach Mike. He was pretty awesome about setting up reservations at Yaletown. It was good food. Hockey game. More drinking for people, and Michelle took pictures. From there we went to a gelateria. Hockey game in every window along the way.
Matt found a free newspaper for Mike, either one, Michelle did NOT take pictures. Coach Mike gave it to Becky to give to Kevin. But then he left it for the kiddies in the ice cream shop. Silly Mike. Walking back, hey look! $0.25 peep shows! One of the mannequins just about poked Erin's eye out. Sheesh!
Some may have gone back out after the group got home. They must have because somehow Mike and Mike ended up sharing a bed. All I know is there was snoring, then punching, then no snoring and Kayla was there. Oh hey! Kayla and entourage are here! So is Kevin! Nice. Now time for breakfast. Wait, is Michelle here yet? Okay, here she comes. Tour Guide Mike? If you would please. Thank you.
The Elbow Room. What the-! "Big Ass Pancake" may have actually fallen short in describing what was served. I ate half and wish I had stopped earlier. Behold, the new sport of "Extreme Carb Loading." Michelle took pictures. Time to break up the band. Coaches and Staff have their meeting so we plan on meeting in the lobby about 5:15. I did a little shopping on Robison, then slept for 2 hours.
Time for the Inspiration Dinner. Put on the OSWIM BMO shirts. We look gooood!! Enter the building and follow the noise. Kayla didn't know that was for us. Oh yes. Yes it is. And it will be awesome. Down the escalator to reveal Coach Mike holding, oh wait, ooooooohh nnoooooo. Erin was right. I should never have sent her that picture of me when I was bald with Photoshoped pig tails. It was creepy. I will get you Erin. I don't know how or when, but I will. And it will be awe- wait for it -some!
Dinner was good. According to Matt, worlds better than the TEAM dinner in Paris. …That freaking picture of me just will not go away. It's a big group of TNTers, and now speakers. Presentation of the top fundraisers. They gave us these little glass statues of Inuksuk, the logo used for the Olympic games there. Matt too pictures of me as a keynote speaker. Now to the real speaker. Man, no matter how many times I have done this, I still get teary.
Dinner is done. Inspirational words from coaches and mentors. You have to expect that Michelle is taking pictures. And 20 cameras and phones later, we head outside …for MORE photos. This time in front of the fountain dyed purplish for us. Sure it was. Uh-huh. Photobombers went all Egyption on us. Then I paid it forward on the Coaches photo op. :)
Okay, everyone go back to your room and go straight to bed to be well rested for tomorrow. That or head to an Irish pub down the street. A different kind of carb loading ensued. And I had more Diet Coke. But don't worry, Michelle took pictures. Because it was awesome.
Now for real, go home and go to sleep. Someone went a little Buddy the Elf on the elevator buttons. Not sayin' who, but I had to apologize to the two guys that were not with our group. Make sure everything is ready for tomorrow then crawl in bed. JUMP out of bed when the alarm went off. Gather in the lobby. Now in race attire, photo op. Wait, is Michelle down yet? More photo's. On to the train. off the train and walk like a pilgrim across the plains to the start area. Holy freaking bathroom lines Batman!
Sing Oh Canada, then run. Downhill, more downhill, Erin! OW! Her staff friend cut me! There's Michelle! She took pictures! Cross a bridge, run around, enter Chinatown, see a strung out hooker on the sideline, leave Chinatown, running kind of slow but still ok, there's Kevin! Run past Yaletown, start to hit the coastline, hey there's Coach Mike! Half way (for the half), into Stanley Park, over the river and through the woods, Captain Mike caught me, we didn't talk much, Captain Mike left me, it's cool, sea wall in Coal Harbor, holy sh-- I don't think I can run anymore, hey there's Kevin! He's looking at me funny. I don't feel very good. He walked with me to the final chute. I couldn't feel my legs, I grabbed onto Kevin more than once, I made it across the finish line! Bag check, sit down and recover.
Christine and a few others checked on me then headed back out for course support.
...recover ...more.
...
...okay, I think I can stand now. Check out at the TNT tent, start walking back. Hey there's Michelle! We walk a bit then see Christine running with Kayla. Hooray for Kayla! She rocked it. Christine and Michelle switch, Michelle with Kayla and Christine with me. We go back to the 20k/41k marker. Cheer on everyone, especially all TNT peeps and the Japanese because they were awesome! There's Skye! YEAH!! She looked awesome! Matt had been running with people. He stayed to cheer. Superman passed us, really not looking very super. Barney the dinosaur passed us. We stayed for Megan. Our last OSWIM teammate. She was awesome! We all walked up with her into the chute. She ran the last bit. It was truly amazing to see her surrounded by so many coaches and teammates in support approaching the finish. A beautiful reminder of just how tight and supportive this team was. I loved it.
Coaches went back to do the same for the last of the other TNT peeps. …Because they are awesome.
Clean up fast and head out to Doolin's to celebrate. It did not take long. Kevin was so glad to see me. He told me I scared the sh-- out of him on the course. There was more hockey, a kick ass burger (for me), dancing girls -not that kind Cap'n Mike. Sheesh. Jill got pressured into Nike Women's, she gave the high five of committal, Coach Mike told me he did not want me on the team, he said I am just too much awesome to have another season this year with me. Maybe he fears his head exploding. More drinks, more Diet Coke for me. Michelle took pictures. Sara and Alfredo made for good company, even though he is not really an attorney. Cap'n Mike tells us the ins and outs of cross state border high speed chases. And exit in search of margaritas since it was Cinco de Mayo.
There was promise of ice cream. Bait and switch I say. Waffles and ice cream, just an easy 5k walk away. Only to be denied. …awesome. I crashed. 9 hours of solid sleep. Beautiful. Shower real fast then meet up for breakfast of crepes. Wait for Michelle to grab whatever she forgot in her room. We applauded upon her arrival. Back to Robison to Cafe Crepe. Thank you for indulging me. Go our separate ways before check out.
Check out and our limo driver drove like he could not get us out of the car fast enough. But yeah, it was still a limo. Sorry Eug--
With a couple hours to kill at the airport, time for lunch and last minute duty free shopping that cost an arm. They said our legs were useless and refused them as payment. Check in, board sit down and sleep. It's a short flight. The landing was far better. Holy crap it is hot in Portland! Kevin met us at PDX. We said our goodbyes. Many of this team is doing Nike so they will see each other in a couple weeks anyway. Kind of wish I was going to do that too.
But I'm not worried. Michelle will take pictures.
It will be …awesome.
Wednesday, May 1, 2013
My Final Plea
Alright everyone, this is my LAST PUSH to raise money for the Leukemia and Lymphoma Society this season. Right now through Friday, you can fight cancer. If you wanted to donate earlier but forgot, or if you just feel you need to donate again, NOW IS THE TIME! Every dollar counts and is greatly appreciated.
I leave Friday morning to run the race for which I have been training and raising money. The LLS raises money for all types of cancer research and treatment, because no one should ever have to go through heart ache of losing a loved on to cancer. And even closer to my heart, no one should ever have to go through the torment of treatment. I promise you, it is horrible.
I look forward to finally being done with chemo this fall, but mine is a cancer that will come back. I hope, through your generous support and donations, that doctors find a cure for me before that time comes.
If you can, even $5 makes a huge difference. Please, I am begging, please go to my donation page www.ryanfightscancer.com, or click on the donation widget on this page and donate what you can. Ask your friends (real or online friends) to do the same. Just because they may not know me does not mean they have not been affected by cancer.
With all my heart, I thank you for your support.
-Ryan
I leave Friday morning to run the race for which I have been training and raising money. The LLS raises money for all types of cancer research and treatment, because no one should ever have to go through heart ache of losing a loved on to cancer. And even closer to my heart, no one should ever have to go through the torment of treatment. I promise you, it is horrible.
I look forward to finally being done with chemo this fall, but mine is a cancer that will come back. I hope, through your generous support and donations, that doctors find a cure for me before that time comes.
If you can, even $5 makes a huge difference. Please, I am begging, please go to my donation page www.ryanfightscancer.com, or click on the donation widget on this page and donate what you can. Ask your friends (real or online friends) to do the same. Just because they may not know me does not mean they have not been affected by cancer.
With all my heart, I thank you for your support.
-Ryan
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