"How do you deal with the horrible guilt of knowing you are going to make it and someone else isn't?" was a question posed to me in the last few months. To be honest, there are very few people with whom I have been close that have gone through chemo. Well not that I know of. The closest of those I do know is my mother, who began her chemotherapy as I was ending mine. Only my Team In Training (TNT) teammate Lisa did not make it. As I thought about my answer, I thought of Lisa. I advised the person asking to find a common interest shared between the two and do that for the friend that will not make it. For Lisa, my teammate, I ran. In frustration I ran because that is what we shared. Both participants and fundraisers for the Leukemia and Lymphoma Society (LLS) while going through treatment, we connected through running and our TNT friends.
Now, six months after Lisa passed, I reconsider my response. April 21st 2014, I got my port removed. It was a very emotional day. At times I was elated. So happy that I could be done with that part of my life. Worried that it was all a delusion. That I would wake up still six months from being told I was in remission, and still not knowing if that day would ever come. Time seems to become an irregularity rather than a constant while going through chemo. Some days are blurry and you are not sure they really happen. Some days are fine.
The reality of time has set in and my port is out. I keep feeling my collarbone where I used to be able to feel the tube running from the port to the vein. A slight and squishable bump under the skin but on top of my left collarbone. My chest is still too tender for me to poke and prod though the place where the prongs from my port used to stick up is now only a yellowing bruise around the healing incision line. I kind of feel that part of me is missing like a soldiers amputated limb. Obviously different as I do not want it back; I do not miss it. Still, a part of me seems missing.
Monday, while very emotional, was a very happy day. The next day, April 22nd, my mother started another round of chemo. This one should not be as hard for her as her last round. Even though it is going to be more manageable this time, I still feel for her. And I wondered about that guilt. Worse, that same day my wife and I found out another friend of ours who has been struggling with her own fight, had gotten much worse. She just found out that her cancer had spread to her brain, liver, and a number of other organs. The following day, the 23rd, she passed. Once the cancer spreads, especially to major organs, there is little chance to make it.
I have been racked with guilt since. That I am better, even if my oncologist told me it will come back, and she did not make it. What right do I have to be better? She was married and had children too. She leaves behind a tormented spouse. She was a wonderful person.
How is that fair?
...Knowing full well what it would feel like, I would gladly take a few more years of treatment and suffering if it could let her live.
And I know it wouldn't work. But if- if.
So what can I do, because I cannot allow myself to do nothing. I run. I raise money to fund the research to end cancer. I want to go one step further than curing the disease. I want to prevent it. Team In Training and all the other programs that are a part of the LLS are trying to do the same. But I found solace in TNT. My teammates lift me and inspire me when I am weak or when I want to give up. My shoes are worn out. It hurts to run. I cannot afford to buy new ones right now but I still put on my shoes and run.
I think it is the only way I feel I am paying penance for getting better. I am trying to help pay for my making it when others have not.
I would dearly love for you to help as well. Please take a minute and donate to the LLS to help end cancer. I try to make it as easy as possible for you to do so. There is a donation tool on the side of my page. Just click and donate.
Thank you.
Friends, Romans, countrymen, lend me your ears;
I come to bury Cancer, not to praise it.
The evil that men do lives after them;
The good is oft interred with their bones;
So let it be with Cancer...
It is time to take up arms against cancer once more. I am not asking for crazy amounts of donations, though I won't turn them away ;), I am only asking that all that read this donate a minimal $10 to the Leukemia and Lymphoma Society's Team In Training. All you need to do is click on the donation thingy on the right, and donate $10.
It's that simple!!
If you donate only $10, I will surpass my goal for this season in raising money for the Leukemia and Lymphoma Society (LLS). Money raised by the LLS funds research on groundbreaking new treatments for ALL cancers, it supports patients that need help paying bills, it funds outreach programs... It fights cancer! Please take a moment, donate $10, and feel GREAT because you are helping to fight cancer!
That what Team In Training is all about. Fighting cancer! Well, fighting cancer and being awesome! Those are the two things TNT is all about. Okay, fighting cancer, being awesome, and sweating like crazy as we run and run and run. Those are the three thing TNT is all about. ...but nothing else.
Thank you for all your support.
Alright party people, and that means you, it’s time to FIGHT CANCER!!
“How?” you might ask. Easy enough. As I begin training to run another half marathon (13.1 miles), I am putting in the sweat and aches and pains and miles… All I ask of you is your sponsorship.
Tomorrow starts what I am calling “$10 Tuesdays!!” For the remaining Tuesdays in February, I ask that all my Facebook friends donate a measly $10 to the Leukemia and Lymphoma Society through my fundraising page
http://pages.teamintraining.org/oswim/anchor14/wryanhatch.
IT’S THAT SIMPLE!! If all of my friends will do this, I will pass my goal for this season. But I promise not to stop there. I have other fundraising ideas and projects because I have been in the chemo chair and I have seen those in the chairs around me. I feel more than lucky to have come out the other side and have made a life goal to help others do the same.
The money raised goes toward finding more cures, more effective medicine, and letting loved ones live another day with their family and friend.
If your heart is so full and you have the means, please feel free to donate more than the $10 I am asking for at this time. If everyone donated just $20, I would double my goal. If your heart is full and you do not have the means, please do what you can even if that is just passing this invite and my fundraising page or my blog along.
With all my heart, I thank you for your support.
-Ryan
My mom posted this yesterday on Facebook. It was very nice of her. And not to be overlooked, she has fought her own fight against cancer. It has not been an easy road for her and she is doing well. It always astounds me how many of us have been affected by cancer, even if that is by relation. Please take a moment, use the widget on the right for Team In Training (TNT) and make a donation to the Leukemia and Lymphoma Society to help fight cancer. Or you can go to my actual TNT donation page and donate there. Your donation goes to help fund research and patient support. Thank you.
Today is 'National Cancer Survivor' day. I want to give a tribute to our son Ryan, who is in remission after battling lymphoma for 3 1/2 years. During that time, he took up running to raise money and run in marathons for the Portland chapter of the Leukemia and Lymphoma Society (LLS). Even when he had pneumonia and was going through chemo, he ran the 1/2 marathons as part of the group 'Team in Training'. He has become a motivational speaker for LLS. His philosophy is that no one goes through cancer alone, and he is there to lift them up and give them a hand when they need it. He is such an example to everyone who faces severe challenges in life. He truly is an amazing 'Cancer Survivor'!
Alright everyone, this is my LAST PUSH to raise money for the Leukemia and Lymphoma Society this season. Right now through Friday, you can fight cancer. If you wanted to donate earlier but forgot, or if you just feel you need to donate again, NOW IS THE TIME! Every dollar counts and is greatly appreciated.
I leave Friday morning to run the race for which I have been training and raising money. The LLS raises money for all types of cancer research and treatment, because no one should ever have to go through heart ache of losing a loved on to cancer. And even closer to my heart, no one should ever have to go through the torment of treatment. I promise you, it is horrible.
I look forward to finally being done with chemo this fall, but mine is a cancer that will come back. I hope, through your generous support and donations, that doctors find a cure for me before that time comes.
If you can, even $5 makes a huge difference. Please, I am begging, please go to my donation page www.ryanfightscancer.com, or click on the donation widget on this page and donate what you can. Ask your friends (real or online friends) to do the same. Just because they may not know me does not mean they have not been affected by cancer.
With all my heart, I thank you for your support.
-Ryan
Shortly after I started running with Team In Training, I was thinking about ideas for fundraising and thought I wanted to do an art sale in some form. But I did not know how to go about it, worrying about the logistics. The idea was tabled in hopes of figuring it out later. Well now is later. Three years later.
The idea had been ever present in my mind. One of those that always sits on the back burner and never lets you forget about it. Finally I gave in. I thought about how I could make it work. This is my result.
In a few short weeks, maybe less, I will get an eBay page set up for an art auction. I contacted a number of artists, mostly I knew from art school. Some were just wild shot's in the dark. No way these guys would even respond. I am quite pleased to say that some of the big time artists responded and are participating too. How cool is that?!
The eBay site will sell prints of original works by each artist. There will be only two prints available of each piece, and 8x10 and 11x14 inch print. The auction functions like normal, you may bid higher and higher to be the highest bidder before the closing date/time for the auction. Following the conclusion of the auction, I will ship the print(s) to the highest bidders with a charity donation receipt and a thank you. Your donation/purchase will be of course applied to the Team In Training account I am using this season to raise money for the Leukemia and Lymphoma Society.
Artists have already started sending in work for this and I am blown away by their response. If this works out as well as I think it is going to, this will become an anual event. Hopefully getting bigger every year.
Some of the big artists that have already committed and/or sent prints include Peter deSeve, Lee White, and Josh Cochran.
This image is one of mine and is from a children's book I am working on. Therefore, it will NOT be auctioned off at this time. But I wanted to give an idea of what might be in the auction. There is no theme, pieces are whatever the artist wishes to submit. When I get a full or final list of participating artists this year, I will post that as well.
For now, I would love for everyone to pass this along and help generate as much hype as possible.
Thank you very much,
-Ryan
Jack is now in First grade. Over the summer, one of his friends from Kindergarten, Matt [not his real name], had his dad diagnosed with terminal Myeloma. They said he would be gone before Christmas. The week before school started (three-four months early), his dad passed away. In September, Mandy texted me the conversation Jack relayed to her that day.
Jack: "Hi Matt."
Matt: "Hi Jack. My dad died."
Jack: "Yeah. I know. That's really sad."
Matt: "Yeah. Let's go play."
...I could not keep it together that day. I had to go home and hug my kids.
You want to know why I run with Team In Training? Why do I fundraise for them? I do it because I hope that some day, conversations like this never happen. That they are forgotten as modern medicine makes cancer not only completely treatable, even at very late stages, but preventable. Cancer should become a shadow of our past. Not our present and every day.
I run for Team In Training because my first team got me through chemo. My second season and team got me through more chemo. And now, I try to help motivate others to make it through their hard times, chemo or not.
That is why I run. Please donate and help end cancer. I set up a widget on the side of my blog here. You can donate directly to the LLS and Team In Training there, and get an instant email confirmation. Please.
I thank you with all my heart.
GO TEAM!!
