Running and running and running some more...

Alright, I am running and running some more. I think this is the year [2013] that I really become a runner. There is a very big difference between "I am running a half marathon in a few months," versus looking and your shoes and thinking, "Is it time? Can I go run yet? do I have time for 7 or 8 miles or can I only squeeze in a 5k? Well if it's only a 5k, I can try to push my pace harder to make it count more..." And those thoughts go on. I can tell I am leaning more and more to that side, and I like that. So this is the year I think the "runner" in me really goes through gestation to blossom into full womanhood... or something like that.

While I am training for the Vancouver BC half marathon in early May, I have been on a much more advanced training program. Most of my teammates that will be running that half with me have worked up to a 5 mile run on the long day. I have been running 11 or 12 miles instead. It was not a sudden jump, I had been doing more already so I just rolled with it.

These longer runs are dual purpose. The obvious is for the running and training. But the other is a litmus test on how I am doing with my health. Previous posts here tell about the blood loss when training for H2C 2012. As is the case with any time I have any weird health issue now, I get more paranoid about that issue.

This last Saturday's run was supposed to be a 12 mile run, I did only 11 because I made a wrong turn somewhere. Oh well. I was not worried about the extra mile. The first half of my run was great. I ran a very comfortable 10:30 per mile pace which has been my normal pace lately without trying to push myself to get faster. So I was happy with that. The latter half of my run though was almost two minutes per mile slower and it was brutal. I was starting to get dizzy by the end and feeling more like the terrible training run for H2C when I was two liters low on my blood.

Sunday, I took a two hour nap because I could not function. Today, Monday, I am worse off. I am dizzy and spacey and just feel horrible. I have called oncology and asked to go in to do a blood draw to see if I am low or if I am just getting sick. Not that I ever thought I wish for sickness, but I do now. I hope I am just fighting a cold.

Here, I am posting a picture of myself just a year ago. This is me, in treatment, well in my house but while going through a round of treatment. This blood loss or sickness thing, I am hoping it does not spin me back into another hairless round of treatment.

You know, while on the topic of hairlessness... I thought it would be totally fine because I liked to cut my hair super short anyway. But when it comes down to it, when your hair pulls out without pain, as do your eyebrows, it is hard. Emotionally. For those women that must go this, I do truly empathize. I am sorry.

...Anyway, I'm done with this post for now.

Blood Tests

One week ago today, so Thursday December 20th, 2012, I had another port flush scheduled. While doing that, my nurse took a blood sample to test. Good. I was really hoping she would. I have been really tired lately and had raised my proverbial eyebrow.

A little backstory on why I worry about blood levels. You would think it normal for a cancer patient either in treatment or recovery or even remission to worry about their blood counts, but this goes a little beyond "normal." My last heavy round of chemo ended mid March, which made for almost exactly two years since I started this mess. I was happy to hear the test results then, "shows no sign of the disease." I had been training for my second half marathon in June and was looking forward to having a couple months to get the chemo and fatigue more out of my system. I did not push myself that race. I took it really slow, just relaxed, and enjoyed myself, not wanting to try and push hard because of the recent round of treatment.

Two and a half months after that race, I ran the Hood to Coast relay for the first time. In training for it, I had been following a generic schedule set up by an OHSU group. OHSU is one of the biggest medical universities and hospitals on the West Coast. On my last long run before I switched entirely to shorter runs multiple times during the day (which is like the relay), the schedule said something like 11 or 12 miles. If I am going to run that, I might as well run the 13.1 to make a half. Right? Very wrong. It was, unequivocally, the worst run I have ever had. By mile 11-ish, I thought I was going to black out. Not like, "Oh man this is hard! Why am I doing this?" but I was actually blacking out. My sight was blurring and spotty. If I tipped over like to rest my hands on my knees, I would have fallen over completely. Black out. I was not sure I could make it home. I stopped running. I walked the last couple miles home and was just happy to make it.

The next few days were very telling. I could not recover. I felt like I was in the midst of heavy fatigue again, and sever chemo brain. It was worrying me. I finally called my oncologist who had me come in the same day for a blood test. Surprisingly, the white blood cells were fine (for me) but I was two liters low on red blood. They just about ran me over to the hospital right then. Instead, they scheduled an infusion for the next day. We started running all kinds of tests to try to determine the cause of the red cell depletion. There are a few common causes, but none of them seemed to be the catalyst for me. Actually that's a good thing. Some of the common things were like the cancer spread to the bone marrow, or the blood produced by the marrow had mutated and the body was rejecting it. While getting a bone marrow sample done is less than pleasant, it is a necessity.

With the blood doping, I was given permission to still run H2C the next week. Mandy was not thrilled. But I did really well. Blood doping totally works. :)

It's been four months or so since then. Every time I have been tested, my blood has been holding, which is great. Seems it was a weird fluke, for the most part. But anytime I cannot shake being really tired, I get worried now. Recently, I cut out energy drinks. No more Rockstar, no more Amp. Let's be realistic though, there is still a lot of Diet Coke. One step at a time. But the last while I have been super tired and I have blamed it on the lack of Rockstar. But the results of the blood test show both red and white cells (and related things like neutrophils, etc.) were down again. They were lower than one month ago though higher than the two months prior. So the results were not bad enough to warrant additional tests, but still pay attention and do another CBC next month.

My worry comes in here. I have three more weeks before I go in, and on Christmas day I took a two and a half ish hour nap and still went to bed by 9:00pm. I slept for nine hours and was unhappy the alarm was going off. I could have slept more. Last night, Dec 26th, doing one of the shorter Insanity workouts I noticed I was pretty spacey. I am not liking the direction this may be heading. My running is stronger now than it has ever been. Not trying to push time, I did 10 miles and averaged 10 min 19 sec per mile. That is so much faster than I have been able to run that I am very excited to start working on speed. But the Spidey Sense is tingling about the tired. With three weeks before the next blood test, and maintenance dose of chemo, I guess I just keep an eye on it. Keep running. Keep doing Insanity.

...Wait and see.

And in the words of a Spaniard, "I hate waiting."

Blood Doping and Ogden Nash

This was an email to my siblings, August 10th, 2012:

i figure Mom/Dad have let you know the basics from your "eat steak" comment [Stephanie].

the run down is this. i am either not producing blood like a normal person or i am hemorrhaging like a vampire's dream. 3 weeks ago i had my last maintenance dose and blood levels all looked really good [for me anyway]. but i have been so tired and feeling fatigued, which is different than tired, and really dizzy weird. so i called oncology and they had me come in for blood tests. in the last 3 weeks, i have averaged losing a pint a week. not good.

a blood cells life span is 2 or 3 months. your body produces as much as dies off to keep your blood levels fairly even. so like i said, either i stopped producing, or i am bleeding out like crazy. now since i have not had any blood spills like a crude oil company, the blood could be deteriorating at a rate much faster than the production can keep up with. [bad grammar, i know] but that is less likely.

so the immediate fix is get a transfusion to top me off, then check what might be the cause of the problem. yesterday i went into the hospital to have them do a blood draw so they can match it with a donor. since the transfusion part takes 5+ hours and the matching process 2-3 hours, they like to split them up to different days. my part was pretty quick. give them a sample, answer a few questions then be on my merry way while they get to work.

i could do the transfusion today, but the hospital was already pushing maximum capacity for today and i need to work, so i go in tomorrow to get blood. i will practically be a Tour de France rider after my blood doping experiment. [:)] i told them to give me something with super powers. i don't think it's going to work though. i should feel a lot better after the transfusion. energy levels up, oxygenation and everything good... i will try a mellow stationary bike ride tomorrow evening to see how i am doing.

then Monday, "...So good to me, Monday morning, It was all I hoped it would be," i start tests again. i will have a CT followed by a bone marrow sample. that is no bueno. i have only had one done before, when i was first diagnosed. it messes you up for the rest of the day and i still have a bb sized lump in my butt from it. results will follow in the few days after those tests. the worry is that lymphoma has spread to the marrow and is causing the lack of production. which would mean harder heavier treatment than i have previously had. ...merde! to borrow a good frenchy word.

oh well. we don't know what is up and the rest is speculation. and Ogden Nash says "God in his wisdom made the fly, And then forgot to tell us why."

-R