3 Years

Three years ago today, I was told I have cancer. It was a difficult day to say the least. But I am still kicking, and forever grateful for the friends I have made. Thank you Mandy. Thank you Mom and Dad. Thank you all. Thank you TEAM.

And because Johnny said it well, "Ain't no grave can hold my body down,"

Unknown to me, Mandy had hit up just about all my closer friends and family that she knew to ask them to say something to me. It made for a rather emotional day. I was very touched and grateful for all the messages. I have the best wife. :)

Maegan Stoddard: "You are so awesome! Happy you're here! Love you guys!"

Pam Lyman: "To our dear friend Ryan who is a survivor, artist, thinker, make me laugh at inappropriate times during church, great dad, and married to one of the best women I know-Mandy Marie, we love you!"

Mom: "Well you are absolutley classified as one of my heroes in life, not just my kid! Thanks for the great excample, advice, support, and showing all of us just how to get on with life amidst great trials. You are truly amazing. Love you beyond words."

Heather Dallmann: "I didn't have the honor of knowing the man you were three years ago but I am blessed to know the man you are today. Goofy as ever and I love it! Seriously you are one of the coolest guys I know and I dig your family too :)"

Kristi Slaton: "I just wanted to let you know how much we love you. I am so glad that my sister chose such a STUD to be her eternal companion. I am even more glad that your studliness & perseverance helped you kick cancer's butt. You are my hero! Have the best day! Can't wait to see you in June!"

Chuck Jones: "Ry, Just wanted to say how happy we are that you are winning your fight. I know it hasn't been easy, but I can't tell you how glad I am that you are still around. You're and amazing guy with an amazing family. Wish we were closer so we could hang out more. And now this: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M912EcPDrKM" [... which I will not link because it is Bette Midler]

Briggette: "Hey Ryan! Just thinking about ya today. I'm glad you are HERE! I'll never forget three years ago when my mom told me you had cancer. I had the biggest pit in my stomach. I'm so grateful you never gave up. You are an inspiration Ryan!! Hope you have an AMAZING day LIVING. ♥"

Jeremy Sherwood: "I hear 3 years ago you got hit with cancer.. I'm glad you are here. (In case you were wondering you have a great wife.)"

Shannon Valdivia: "Mom and I want you to know that we are so proud of you and how you are fighting NHL...Your optimism keeps us pluggin! We love ya guy!"

Laura Robinson (TNT): "SO lucky to have you in my life. Love you, Ryan!"

Sarah Waddell (TNT): "You are so inspiring to me! Thank you!"

Madelyn Tobin-Shubin (TNT): "Hey, did I ever mention how awesome you are? Because you are! Keep up the good fight!"

Josh Anderson: "Hey Ryan - Can't believe that 3 years ago you were diagnosed with cancer. Just want to you to know what an inspiration you are. I don't ever remember once hearing you complain about something so life changing and debilitating. Being in pharmacy school and understanding better what chemo drugs actually do to your body, you have EVERY reason to complain but never heard it once from you....or your wife for that matter. I am a better person for knowing you and your family. You are a WARRIOR in every sense of the word and I know you will continue to battle for years to come. We miss you guys and hopefully can reunite in the future."

Crystal: "Whoohoo! 3 years! Your an inspiration Ryan. Here's to many many more 3 years!! Take a hike cancer!"

Dad: "Wow, Three years ago today. You have been a champion in so many ways since. I am impressed with the strength and determination you have shown. You have literally been "Forged in the furnace of affliction". I am proud of you, of the man you have become and of all you do to help others with the same cancer problems."

Heather Vance Allen: "You're a fighter!! So happy you're here to live to tell. Hope we can run a race together sometime. I think you're pretty awesome. ~ heath"

Stephanie: "Hey, Kid. Congrats on toughing out the cancer and beating it back for three years! Thanks for living through it, since I love having you around. You are wonderful. And almost as amazing as Mandy. ♥"

Sara: I will never forget this day 3 years ago that I found out you had cancer. You have come so far and have fought so hard. I am so proud of all your achievements with LLS and running to save lives, including your own. You truly are amazing!! I love you and am so grateful you are here today.

Sandra Allen: "So I know you prefer the cartoon super hero types but I just wanted you to know that you are on my list of real life super heroes. You have been battling the "attack of the evil C" for three years with courage, unfailing optimism, crazy humor, unyielding strength and unlimited faith. Your trusty sidekick and partner always has your back through thick and thin (plus she's the cutest sidekick EVER). I want you to know I'm so proud of my "favorite" son-in-law. My life's so much better since you entered it. Keep up the good fight. XOXOXO"

But perhaps my favorite of all these was from Brittani Stevens: "suck it cancer"

Boston, Mass.

Yesterday, April 15th, 2013, two bombs were detonated 100 feet from the finish line of the Boston Marathon. The act of terrorism weighs heavily on my mind. It's not like I have any big connection to Boston or the race specifically, but still I cannot shake it from my thoughts. Yes, I have a some friends that were there running or live there in Boston. No, nobody I know was hurt. So why then, does this plague me like this? At this point, there are 4 reported killed and 140+ injured. On the grand scheme of travesty, this is very minimal. Still, I dwell on it.

I learned of this pretty quickly after it happened, within an hour of the bombs going off. Social media is pretty crazy that way. News of the incident spread across the nation within minutes. Mostly started by people there telling their friends and families that they were okay. My emotions went first to shock, of course. But the swings between sorrow and shock and anger and desperation and... continued through the rest of the day, spilling over to my waking day today.

I am furious at the people that would even remotely entertain the idea of such an act. I do not envy them when they are found out. And wish the full force of “justice” to hit them as brutally as they struck out on society.

I am confused as to what statement or agenda they could have possibly wanted to make. To what ends did they think this would help their cause? Do they hate runners? Boston? What? Perhaps that is why I am so angry. There is no conceivable agenda with this targeted group. The conclusion then must be drawn that the offenders must have wanted to lash out on society with a general hate for humanity. I cannot sympathize with such stupidity or disregard for human life.

I feel great sorrow for those affected. Whether participant or spectator or support or friends and family, I mourn their loss and their fear.

I feel a great outpouring of love and respect for those that after the initial flinch, reacting to the blasts, went running to the aid of those injured. I saw footage of people tearing down fences, hoping over barricades, running to help those in need. It made me think of the Mr. Rogers quote when talking about great travesty to “look for the helpers.” It has been the most healing balm for me to have seen those rush to the aid of others. They did not care about their own safety as there may have been more explosions. They did not care about race or nationality, gender, age, sexual preference or political affiliations. All of the tedious an ultimately unimportant things of life were wiped from their minds as they saw the immediate need to help. That has been our greatest testament to the inherent good within us. To see the hurt and need of others, set aside our own issues and run to help.

To them, I say thank you. To those that ran to help, you are heros. It is on you, I rest my faith in humanity.

Vive La... TEAM!!

As I continue to be a part of the Leukemia and Lymphoma Society's Team In Training program, or TNT, some of my teammates this season trained for the Paris marathon. Just before they left, as a way to cheer them on, I put this together. The images were all found online. I Photoshoped them (color, size, blur, paint, etc.) together to make it work.

Yes You Can

A Letter to the Paris TNTer's

My dear Parisians,

I would like to take a moment and thank you for all you do. For all you have done. And for all we have yet to do together. Many of you were around a couple years ago when I signed up with Team In Training for my first event. I don't think I can adequately describe how important you have been in my life. Nor can I thank you enough for all that you have done for me.

When I attended my first recruitment meeting, I just about to start another series of chemo treatments, and I was a mess. I did not know what was going to happen to me. I did not know what to do. That feeling of living on an emotional precipice was torture. I had a hard time holding back the tears at that meeting. At the end of that, I knew if nothing else, I needed to sign up and do everything I could to make it across the finish line. Somehow, that was the figurative manifestation of being able to make it through the trial of my treatment and recovery. It was Cap'n Lindsey Niemeyer that handed me my paperwork. When she saw I put myself down as the connection to cancer, she asked me if I was a Survivor. I said, “Well, not yet.” At the Kickoff, I did not fair so well. I had to excuse myself and walked out into the hall. I could not keep from breaking down sobbing.

My first training day, we were moving in a circle and introducing ourselves. “Hello. My name is _____. I am doing TNT because _____.” I hated that. Actually, I never got comfortable with that. I was ashamed of my cancer. I felt like others would treat me different if they knew. Like I was undeserving of their casual acquaintance. Or treat me as if I were a social disease. When people asked me how I was connected to cancer, or why I was doing TNT, I wanted to fight them. I hope that did not come out. At the end of that season, race weekend, my life was changed.

I ran the Seattle RnR half. One month before the race, I finished that round of chemo. One week before, I was in the ER with pneumonia. When I started that race, I just wanted to cross the finish line on my own feet. No one carrying me. No dieing. About mile eight, I happened to see the back on my TNT teammate's shirt. My name was there. Surely that must have been another Ryan. I asked. Is that my name? Yes.

I was carried the next five miles. She lifted my hand as I crossed the finish line. Many of my Seattle teammates had put my name on their shirt's. I had no idea. You guys have lifted me ever since.

Through chemo, fatigue, emotional anguish, and just being a sissy, you guys still lift me up when I want to quit. Even this season, so many miles later, some of you have literally pulled me along, not letting go of my hand as you pass me and forcing me to start running again.

I would love to go to Paris and cheer you all on. There is nothing better than seeing you guys when I am out running. When you are there and running and tired, think of me and push a little longer. When you want to walk, think of me and keep going. When you hit that mental wall and want to fight with or scream at someone, well then you should think of Coach Mike. :)

I have told some of you that one of the few things I wish I could do with my life is to hold people's hands when they fall. To lift them up when they are weak or they fail themselves. I wish to encourage all, and instill in them the magnitude of their self worth. I believe we are meant to be great. And you my friends and teammates, have done that countless times for me. It has been my great honor and privilege to know you, run with you and call you friends.

You are all amazing! Thank you for all you have done and for all you have yet to do.

Good luck in Paris. Go Team.

-Ryan

A Cancer Mitigator

First let me say thank you to everyone that participated in the art auction, both purchasing or donating. I would like to address that more fully, but something else is on my mind right now.

A friend of mine just posted that a friend of hers just died of cancer today. I have been doing this for just about three years now. Any time I hear or read something like this, I am at a loss for what to say. And I can say a lot. But sometimes words just fail me.

I want to do something. Anything. Rally the troops... I just want to give people a hug.

Working with a local company for a charity fundraiser in the last few weeks, I was asked to write up a short introduction about who I am and my experience with Team In Training. This is what I sent them.

When the doctor tells you you have cancer, it does not seem real. I was shocked and in disbelief, not knowing what to think or how to feel. You look in the mirror. You force yourself to say the words, as if repetition makes it tangible, “...I have cancer.” …None of it makes any sense.

Hello. My name is Ryan. I am a cancer survivor. Well, I think... Hm. I am a cancer... mitigator? Delayer of cancer? I am a cancer ...temporary reprieve-er.

I was diagnosed in April of 2010. Marginal zone, stage three, Non Hodgkins Lymphoma. Cancer. Too wide spread throughout my body to be cut out. In November of that same year, and just as I was starting another round of chemo, I attended my first Team In Training meeting. Team In Training, or TEAM or TNT, is the fundraising arm of the Leukemia and Lymphoma Society (LLS). They do endurance events like marathons, half marathons, triathlons, etc. all to raise money for cancer research and treatment. The meeting was an informational recruiting meeting. It was in a pub and there was a good amount of people there. They spoke a little about the nuts and bolts of TNT and LLS. They had a participant and cancer survivor talk as well. I had a hard time keeping the tears from falling, and the fear and doubt from showing. After the meeting I called my wife and choked out, "I have to do this." Without hesitation, she said ok. I think I needed to prove to myself that I could still be me, that I could still live. I signed up having never liked distance running, having never even run a 5K, and not knowing if my doctors would let me.

My oncologist conditionally gave approval for my running a half marathon (13.1 miles) only if I was willing to walk when needed. He would not approve a full marathon. I promised. During training for my first half marathon, I was going through rounds of treatment. I had my long day on Thursdays (5+ hours), then a short day on Friday, then we had our group run on Saturdays. The Saturday group runs became my support group. Being there helped me feel better. It helped me feel like I could make it through treatment. It was empowering when I just wanted to quit.

When I began the season, I thought with my former rugby player ego, "Shoot! I can run a full marathon. Cancer won't stop me." I had finished another round of chemo by about a month, and literally one week before the race I was hospitalized with pneumonia. By the time I got to the starting line of the Seattle Rock and Roll Marathon (2011), I just wanted to cross the finish line on my own feet, without dying.

That weekend changed my life.

One of my teammates ran with me the whole way. I don't remember exactly where, but about mile 7 or 8, I happened to look down at the back of her race shirt. There is a place on the back of all TEAM shirts to write in the names of those for whom you run, those that keep you going, those you remember. I saw my name there. My name on her shirt. Surely that must have been someone else. So I asked. "Is that, is that MY name?" Yes. I still get choked up over that. That I could have such an impact on another in a positive way. It is a powerful thing. I found out later several of my teammates that weekend had done the same. I had no idea.

I went through two years of chemo therapy. While going through treatment, I got sick. I lost my hair. I lost liters of blood. I had trips to the ER. Emotionally and physically, I was worn out. I was a wreck. I am now considered to be in remission. My tests results "show no sign of the disease." What does that mean? I still have to go in for treatment. It's a very light dose once every two months. It's still no “treat.” This process has proved to significantly delay the eventual return of cancer. Yes, eventual. It will return. So am I a survivor?

I am a survivor of multiple half marathons while going through rounds and rounds of chemo. I am member of Team In Training. I do it because I hope that someday cancer is forgotten. That modern medicine renders cancer not only completely treatable, but preventable. Cancer should become a shadow of our past.

Team In Training and the LLS are not just about running to me. They are about realizing we can do something about the situation(s) in which we find ourselves. It would be easy to turn our face to the wall and give up. It would be easy to stay down when knocked over. But the LLS strives to help people overcome those times. "Why do we fall sir? So we might learn to pick ourselves up." Sometimes we need help. Sometimes it may be as simple as Alfred's reminder to Bruce. Get up. Yes you can.

You can learn about the advances that the LLS has funded. Drugs that have been developed using the money the LLS raises. Cancers that are treated because of those efforts. Maybe more important than that, to me anyway, is the lesson the LLS gives us all. It is about getting up when we fall down. It is about helping others to do the same. It is about how we can overcome the emotional tides that affects us all.

Cancer is something I will have to live with forever. Mine is one that will come back. I will always worry about blood counts. I will always worry about other people being sick around me. But if I could do any one thing in this life, I would like to hold people's hands, lift them when they have fallen, encourage them, remind them of the things in this world worth living for, remind them of the brilliant person they are.

My teammates got me through it all. They still do. I know I can never repay them for what they have done to keep me going. I just hope I can pay it forward. Cancer has changed me. I am a part of Team In Training. I am a part of the Leukemia and Lymphoma Society. I will be forever.

I thank you with all my heart.

GO TEAM!!

-Ryan

Art For a Cure: Art Work

Here are the prints that will be available in the auction. The auction store will be on eBay at stores.ebay.com/Art-For-a-Cure. Since these items will not be live until Sunday the 3rd, they do not show up in the store. In order to make sure you can see them and look at what is available before the auction, I have listed them all here. The outstanding few that are not yet listed should be up by the end of this Friday.

Please tell all your friends to come bid and by something as all proceeds will go to the Leukemia and Lymphoma Society to help fight cancer.

Thank you. And a special thank you to all the artists that have donated their work.

-Ryan

"Bird" Mix Media by Laura Buller	"Flame Hair" Mix Media by Laura Buller
"Kick" Watercolor by Laura Buller	"Tentacle Lady" Mixed Media by Laura Buller
"Hunters" Silkscreen by Josh Cochran	"Christmas" Digital by Cassandra Worthington
"Crocodile Tears" Watercolor on watercolor paper by Peter de Seve *Available only in the 11x14 size.	"Summer Getaway" Watercolor on watercolor paper by Peter de Seve *Available only in the 11x14 size.
"Tag Sale" Watercolor on watercolor paper by Peter de Seve *Available only in the 11x14 size.	"Toothbrush" Oil, Acrylic, Pastel by Justin Garrity
"Flower" Photo on metallic paper by Chris Hatch	"Fancy Lady" Ink by W. Ryan Hatch
"NYC" Mix Media by W. Ryan Hatch	"The South Lands" Digital by W. Ryan Hatch
"You!" Mix Media by Michael Hilliard	"Stop and Go" Marker by Michael Hilliard
"Frederick at the Fridge" Watercolor by David Hohn	"Red Riding Hood" Watercolor by David Hohn
"Blue" Mix Media by AJ Juson	"Women 1" Lithograph by YuChia Kao
"Women 2" Lithograph by YuChia Kao	"Houctopus" Digital by YuChia Kao
"Monster" Pen by YuChia Kao	"Cicada 1" Lithograph, Artist’s Proof ORIGINAL by YuChia Kao
"Orange" Lithograph, Artist’s Proof ORIGINAL by YuChia Kao	"Sister's Gold" Paint by Alex Miller
"Bike Ride" Digital by Norman Morana	"Fishing Day" Digital by Norman Morana
"The Flying Box" Mixed Media by Norman Morana	"Haunting" Digital by Norman Morana
"Refresh" Digital by Norman Morana	"Canyon" Photo by Kyle Morgan
"Flower" Photo by Kyle Morgan	"Dancer" Mix Media by Anna Owen
"Orange" Paint by Anna Owen	"Red" Watercolor by Anna Owen
"Baby Hayden" Digital Paint by Becky Steele	"Red" Acrylic by Becky Steele
"Bicycle" Watercolor and Digital by Lee White *Available only in the 11x14 size.	"Blue" Paint by Allyson Willsey
"Red" Paint by Allyson Willsey	Additional print(s) may still be coming in. Check back or just go to the eBay store on Sunday March 3rd. Thank you!